Rain
by TiaKisu
Summary: Rain. It falls from the sky like the million of tears he has not been able to cry. - A short first person fic about Sinbad. Post Season 1.


_Hey__ folks. _

_This little piece came to my mind some days ago while rain had been drumming on my window and thunder was rolling the sky. It takes place about six weeks after Sinbad lost Maeve and deals with his pain and his turn towards the dark side.  
__Although you could__ regard it either as a missing scene of the series or in connection to my own fics, it doesn't really fit any of them. Not only can the time hardly be connected to either of them (in the series Sinbad had seemingly changed right from the day he had lost Maeve) but also do I personally feel that the captain in my little scene is more faithless and desperate than the series have shown – and more than my own fics imply. But, although not really fitting anywhere it still belongs to the show and deals with issues it gave us.  
__Really h__ope you like it. :D_

_Yours TiaKisu_

_P.S.: Again. If there should be any major mistakes: bear with me. I try to avoid any language errors but after all nobody's perfect. ;)_

* * *

Rain. It falls from the sky like the million of tears I have not been able to cry. I close my eyes and sense the cold liquid running down my face, taking with it all the sadness I hold inside and releasing me from my pain for only the tiniest of moments. But all too soon it returns. Like a fire out of ice it burns me, devouring the last remnants of warmth I hold. The feeling of emptiness spreads inside me and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  
Only you could.

As I feel my clothes slowly getting soaked I let my eyes open again and take in the sight that unfolds in front of them. I see my crew fussing around the deck, fastening the ropes and making sure that below everything will stay dry. They aren't in any haste for they know that till now this is but a heavy rain shower - nothing they need to worry about; nothing that could bring any of them into danger. Nothing they could lose their life in.  
Painfully I sense the cold and wet air enter my lungs as I breathe in sharply. Six weeks. Six weeks passed since I lost you.  
Although not knowing why, I suddenly feel my lips move - speaking to an invisible person that I know isn't there. But maybe old legends speak the truth, an absurd thought enters my mind – maybe wind and rain really can carry a soul's cry and take it to where its pain is being eased. And so I start to talk. I start to tell them everything my heart knows before it dies along with the light I once held inside:

The waters have always been my element … and my curse. I feel it running down my face, pouring on the ship, pouring on me. Some say water is the contrary to fire. Some say _you_ have been my contrary. I say, fire and water need one another. Neither can live without the other part. And so can't I without you. I feel the flame you lit deep inside of me burn out. It turns to ice and spreads deadness everywhere where once it had been light that shone. I don't know how long I will be able to maintain this person I have been – be the man you have known. With every day that passes my thoughts are getting darker. I can feel the world around me grow distant. I can feel my hope dwindle.

He told us you were fine; that you were with him now - studying, practicing and growing stronger. He told us not to worry and go on instead. But how can I, I ask the winds and in some foolish hope, with them also you. How do you suppose can I live without your spirit around me? How can I live without your flame? I guess I have already changed in all those days that passed since then. I notice it in the demeanour my crew and friends show me. I hear them whisper, know that they pity me and still I also am aware that they dread me. For long they have known what I am learning just now, but they did not dare to tell me. They avoid me, are only getting nearer when I bark another order at them. Even Doubar got more distant. Even he dislikes the one I'm becoming.

Suddenly, as I notice a cool rush of wind pass me by, I turn around. The horizon is painted in a menacing greyish blue and somehow I feel that if any magic on earth would be able to visualize what lies in my heart, it would look just like that.  
There, in the south, black clouds are coming. I can almost smell them. They bring more rain … and thunder. A storm is coming. I bring my left hand up to my face and release it from the damp hair that sticks to it. For only a moment I feel the neutral captain in me return as I yell: "All hands on deck. Prepare for the worst!". Out of the corner of my eyes I see Doubar turn after me and look for himself what lies ahead of us. I know I needn't say anything more. He'll know what to do – as will the others. They will make sure none gets lost.  
And if one did …?  
Sadly I notice that it's been long since I last had really cared for others– six weeks to be more precise. And when standing here, feeling the coldness now also claim my body from the outside, I wonder if I'll ever be able to again.

Hearing the first thunder sound around us I leave my place at the reeling and head for the tiller. Rain is pouring on me and cold is demanding my last remnants of warmth. A warmth you gave me. My wet hands close firmly around the rudder as I nod to Rongar who leaves it in order to help the others. Lightning strikes and makes my sight turn upwards. Like out of a tunnel the heavy drops of water rain down on me and sting my skin like hundreds of little daggers. A new thunder rolls the sky and here, for the first time, knowing that none will hear my voice above its might, I scream out. I scream for my lost self and for all those I had to leave behind. I scream for you. And with my voice curses get lost in the upcoming rage of the storm. The waters dared to take you away from me. The waters will have to take the blame. Angrily I lower my head again and stare straight forward. I do not know who I will be come tomorrow, but I won't be the same. And as I sense the icy winds chase after us I also feel the last glow inside of me burn up. Silent tears mix with the waters that run down my face and take with them what once I have been.

You have taken away my only love – I hear a silent prayer sound in my head - so take this sailor along with you as well. Take it with you and bring it to her to treasure it. And if one day fate should decide to let our paths cross again, let her bring it back to me and alight anew that precious flame she has been the reason for.

And for once I feel the rain obey me.

I do not know who I will be come tomorrow, but I won't be the same…

* * *

_Well, this has already been it. I know it's short and maybe some of you won't like the way I wrote it. I am aware that this fic is not only being separated by the lines but also by my choice of words. I did not include many links between the single parts what on the one hand might stop the flow but on the other – at least in my eyes – fits the rather disrupted train of thoughts I wanted Sinbad to show. Well, I really hope you like it anyways. ;)_


End file.
